Players would like a return to sitting during matches, say PFA
A survey carried out by the PFA found most leading players would like seats installed on the pitch so they can have a sit-down during a game to catch up on their blog, update their FaceBook status,...
View ArticleArmy called in to take charge after all Premier League managers sacked
As the latest round of sackings among top-flight managers hit home this weekend leaving the nation’s most prestigious club competition in complete disarray, the government’s emergency committee, Cobra,...
View ArticleKingdom United faces administration
European Premier League side Kingdom United could be the first high profile club to enter into administration after talks to avert a winding-up order collapsed in the high court earlier today. Advisers...
View ArticleBoy George denied England captaincy because he was ‘no good at football’
In the next chapter of ‘I’m a fading celebrity with a book launch coming up’, Boy George has declared that he would have been a ‘shoo-in’ to captain the England football team into ‘at least two world...
View ArticleJack Wilshere determined to be fit in time to get injured in World Cup
Jack Wilshere has vowed to do everything he can to ensure that he’s fit in time to get injured again in this summer’s World Cup in Brazil. The injury prone Arsenal midfielder told reporters today that...
View ArticleCardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit
Cardiff City have sent a 5-page letter of complaint to the Premier League arguing that their 3-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace in early April should not stand. The Welsh club claim to have firm...
View ArticleFootball chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round
The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land,...
View ArticleRichard Scudamore challenges all women to an arm-wrestle
With what is being seen as a vain attempt to garner support for his derogatory references to ‘female irrationality’, the Premier League’s chief executive has promised to prove his gender’s superiority...
View ArticlePremier League to outsource match production to India
Financially stricken Premier League teams have announced today that from August 2015 all football match production is to be outsourced to India. ‘The move will mean we will be able to hold season...
View ArticlePremier League match abandoned after no-one brings a ball
Last night’s Premier League fixture between Manchester United and Crystal Palace was abandoned after it turned out that neither team had brought a football with them. “We’re very upset”, Palace manager...
View ArticleArmy called in to take charge after all Premier League managers sacked
As the latest round of sackings among top-flight managers hit home this weekend leaving the nation’s most prestigious club competition in complete disarray, the government’s emergency committee, Cobra,...
View ArticlePremier League football mascot to come out
A top professional football mascot has announced that he will be coming out before a Premier League game. The mascot will reveal himself this Saturday but details about which club he represents are...
View ArticleBrendan Rodgers decides against waking Raheem Sterling for Spurs match
Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers has confirmed that he did not pick Raheem Sterling for Tuesday night’s match against Tottenham Hotspur because the striker was fast asleep in the changing room....
View ArticleUK Gold secures rights to show replays of all Premier League games from 1992
Premier League Chief Executive Richard Scudamore has announced that the rights to show full replays of all 38 Premier League games played in the 1992/93 season have been sold to the TV channel UK Gold...
View ArticleFriends angered by boy’s decision to move Subbuteo World Cup to winter
Friends of 9-year old Toby Brown have reacted angrily to the news that the Subbuteo World Cup they had planned for this summer has been put back to December. The tournament, which is being held at...
View ArticleITV sports result spoilers to go 24-7.
ITV newsreaders will be allowed to blurt out important sports results without warning at any time of day, it’s been announced. Previously restricted to giving out football scores without notice prior...
View ArticleIndignant Chelsea FC accuse away fans of ‘causing an atmosphere’
Furious members of upmarket Chelsea FC are to complain to the council after their quiet Sunday afternoon was ruined by singing football fans. The peace of the Stamford Bridge complex, home to a hotel,...
View ArticleArsenal put Jack Wilshere on zero-hours contract
In a move thought to be the first of its kind Arsenal have placed midfielder Jack Wilshere on a zero-hours contract after running out of patience with the constantly injured player. As a result...
View ArticleTories promise to review controversial ‘League Table’ system for football teams
Shadow sports minister Hugh Robertson has promised sports fans that the Conservatives, if elected, would review the controversial ‘league table’ system for football teams. The system, introduced by the...
View ArticleSturridge in cotton wool collision horror
Liverpool ace Daniel Sturridge has been ruled out of contention for six weeks after a terrifying accident at his home. The injury was sustained when the striker tripped and fell into several giant...
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